Last November, during my routine eye exam, the eye doctor said, ‘you’ve got a problem and must go right to the ER.’ They discovered I had glioblastoma, a highly aggressive brain cancer that kills most people in six months to a year. I was operated on two days later.
I’m 75, have two kids, a husband, have lived in Hastings for almost 40 years and spent my career in video news.
I know I don’t have a lot of time left and, that if things get bad at the end, I want the option of medical aid in dying to avoid the pain and suffering that is likely to come. If New York were to pass the Medical Aid in Dying Act this month, I would be able to live the rest of my life – and hopefully I beat the odds – with the peace of mind knowing the option exists should I need it.
From the first diagnosis to the surgery to today, I have been doing everything possible to stay alive. After a month of recovering from brain surgery – which is intense and not for chickens – I began radiation. Every day for six weeks. It does take a toll. At the same time, I began chemotherapy as well as wearing a cap 18 hours a day that delivers alternating electrical fields to disrupt the growth and division of cancer cells. And now I’m on six months of chemotherapy which causes me to get tired very easily.
So far, I’m doing alright. Having had a recent scan that was clear I’m trying to just pick up the pieces. I made a list of the things that I really want to get done and dropped the things I don’t want to do or don’t have time for.
One of my priorities is to see the passage of medical aid in dying in New York. I’ve supported this legislation for a very long time. I lived in Oregon when it became legal there in the 1990s, and it made perfect sense to me. Soon after it became legal, my uncle took advantage of it. He had lung cancer. While I was no longer in Oregon, I heard from my aunt and cousin that he was in terrible pain, and that it was such a peaceful death for him.
Having been a supporter for so long, it’s ironic to get a fatal cancer diagnosis and now I really want to know that this compassionate option will be there for me if it gets really bad at the end. I want to know that there’s medicine I can take and can go to sleep in my own house with my family around me. That’s what I want. It will give me so much peace – for the rest of my life, as long as it is.
I’m hoping it passes here in New York before I need it. I have looked into going to Vermont and talked to people who’ve done it – it is tough. To uproot your family, find a place to live and a medical team to take care of you, takes a lot of work, and I don’t want to do that. When the time comes, I want to die in my own home.
My family’s been fantastic. I have two grown daughters who have been here and helped us so much. My neighbors and friends have also all been incredible including a childhood friend who sends me a joke every day, which is really great. And I have to say, my husband has been unbelievable.
Everyone has their own feelings and gets to decide for themselves what their end is going to be. If you want an exit ramp that’s peaceful, then it should be your right to do that. And my family understands that.
Medical aid in dying is not right for everyone. That’s why it’s an option for the patient, and the patient alone. I want that option for me and for the other New Yorkers who want that option. As for those who don’t want the option, passing the bill will not change their lives – or deaths – at all.
My senator is Senate Majority Leader Andrea Stewart-Cousins, whom I really respect and think is a terrific senator. I’ve written to and spoken with her several times to support this bill. I am so hopeful that she will be the leader I know her to be to ensure the bill passes the Senate before they adjourn. For me. For her constituents. For all New Yorkers who want this option.
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